*By Michael Thompson, Founder of Falsely Accused Network*
The recent New York Post article highlighting the growing percentage of single young men (63% of men under 30 as of 2023, up from 51% in 2019) reflects a concerning trend that deserves a more nuanced analysis than it received. As someone who has spent years advocating for fair treatment in interpersonal relationships, I believe there are deeper factors at play beyond the simplified narrative of "COVID isolation" and "women's high expectations."
Beyond Job Interviews: The Transactional Dating Culture
Ian Breslow, the 28-year-old teacher quoted in the Post article, described modern dates as feeling "more like job interviews." This transactional approach to human connection represents a fundamental shift in how relationships are formed. When getting to know someone is replaced by an immediate assessment of utility ("What can you do for me and where is this going?"), we've stripped dating of its most valuable component: genuine human connection.
The anecdote about being asked about preferences for children's schooling on a first date illustrates how modern dating culture has compressed the natural progression of relationship milestones into an efficiency-focused screening process. This approach may be pragmatic, but it's emotionally unsustainable.
Risk Assessment in Modern Dating
What the article fails to address is the risk calculation many young men are making. In an era where social interactions are increasingly scrutinized and potentially weaponized, many men are conducting their own risk assessments. The potential consequences of misinterpreted intentions, miscommunications, or relationship conflicts have escalated beyond heartbreak to potential reputational, professional, and even legal jeopardy.
This isn't to diminish legitimate concerns women have about dating safety, but to acknowledge that fear has become bilateral in modern dating. Many men are concluding that the potential rewards of dating simply don't outweigh the perceived risks.
Digital Transformation of Connection
Andrew Bruno's point about dating apps becoming the "central means for meeting people" highlights another crucial shift. The digitization of human connection has fundamentally altered how we form bonds. Dating apps, by design, encourage a consumer mindset toward potential partners—reducing complex human beings to a series of images and bullet points to be quickly judged.
This system rewards superficial traits and practiced presentation skills rather than the authentic, spontaneous connections that traditionally formed the basis of lasting relationships. The "weekslong prerequisite" Bruno mentions reflects how artificial barriers have replaced natural relationship progression.
The Post-Pandemic Social Skills Gap
Mike M.'s admission that his "outgoingness has suffered some atrophy" points to a widespread but under-discussed phenomenon: the deterioration of social skills following prolonged isolation. Many young adults spent critical socialization years in isolation, stunting the development of the very skills needed to form meaningful connections.
This social skills gap creates a vicious cycle—difficulty initiating connections leads to fewer social interactions, which further diminishes social capabilities. For many young men, the effort required to overcome this deficit feels insurmountable when weighed against uncertain outcomes.
Beyond Binary Explanations
The narrative that men are simply avoiding commitment due to women's high expectations is reductive. What we're witnessing is a complex social shift driven by technological changes, post-pandemic adjustment, evolving gender dynamics, and a broader reassessment of relationship risks and rewards.
Young men aren't uniformly rejecting relationships—they're responding to a dramatically altered social landscape with understandable caution. Many are choosing to focus on areas of life where effort correlates more reliably with rewards: career advancement, personal development, and non-romantic relationships.
A Path Forward
Addressing this trend requires moving beyond blame and binary thinking. Both men and women are navigating unprecedented changes in how human connections form. Rather than lamenting men's unwillingness to commit or criticizing women's expectations, we should be examining the systems and cultural shifts that have made authentic connection increasingly difficult for everyone.
For sustainable change, we need to:
1. Recognize that efficient dating isn't necessarily effective dating
2. Create spaces for low-pressure, organic social interaction
3. Develop better models for communicating needs and boundaries
4. Acknowledge the legitimate concerns of both men and women in modern dating.
5.Acknowledge the white elephant in the room that family law favours women and men are given a bad deal in the family courts.
The growing number of single young men isn't simply a dating crisis—it's a canary in the coal mine, signaling deeper shifts in how we connect as human beings. By addressing these underlying issues rather than their symptoms, we can work toward a healthier relationship culture for everyone.
*Michael Thompson is the founder of Falsely Accused Network, an organization dedicated to supporting anyone who has been falsely accused of domestic abuse in Great Britain*
If you've been falsely accused of domestic abuse then visit www.falselyaccusednetwork.co.uk or email support@falselyaccusednetwork.co.uk to arrange a free and confidential call.
Link for New York Post Article
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