By Michael Thompson, Founder of the Falsely Accused Network
In recent years, awareness of coercive control as a form of domestic abuse has grown significantly. However, what often remains in the shadows is the experience of male victims. As the founder of the Falsely Accused Network, I've witnessed firsthand how men face unique challenges when trapped in psychologically abusive relationships characterized by control, manipulation, and fear.
The Invisible Reality of Male Victimization
Coercive control is gender-neutral in its ability to cause harm, yet male victims often struggle with additional barriers to recognition, support, and justice. The pattern remains the same: isolation from support networks, monitoring and surveillance, control over daily activities, and psychological manipulation. But for men, these experiences are frequently compounded by societal expectations of masculinity and systemic biases that can make their suffering invisible.
Research from the Crime Survey for England and Wales indicates that approximately one in three domestic abuse victims are male, yet they are far less likely to report their experiences or seek help. Many male victims I've worked with through the Falsely Accused Network describe feeling ashamed, emasculated, or simply not being believed when they do find the courage to speak out.
Understanding the Legislation Gap
While legislation like the UK's Serious Crime Act 2015 is technically gender-neutral in its approach to coercive control, the application of these laws often reflects societal biases. Male victims frequently report that their complaints aren't taken as seriously by law enforcement, or that they fear being misidentified as the perpetrator if they come forward.
As one survivor who worked with our network shared: "When I finally called the police after years of psychological torture, they took one look at me—6'2" and physically fit—and asked what I could possibly be afraid of. They couldn't see the years of financial control, isolation, and threats that had me trapped."
Recognizing Male-Targeted Coercive Control
While many tactics of coercive control are universal across genders, some manifestations are particularly common in cases with male victims:
Threats of false allegations:
The threat of false accusations of violence or abuse, which can result in immediate removal from the home and separation from children.
Exploitation of father-child bonds: Using access to children as a method of control.
Financial abuse: Particularly damaging to men whose self-worth has been tied to provider roles.
Weaponizing gender stereotypes:
Using societal expectations of masculinity to shame victims into silence.
Legal and institutional leverage: Exploiting systems that may have inherent biases regarding male victims
These patterns of abuse can be just as devastating as those experienced by female victims, yet they often go unrecognized by social services, law enforcement, and even the victims themselves.
Practical Steps for Male Victims to Prove Coercive Control
If you're a man experiencing coercive control, gathering evidence is crucial both for your own validation and for any potential legal proceedings. Here are specific steps tailored to the challenges male victims often face:
1. Document Everything, But Securely
Keep detailed records of incidents, but be aware that abusers often monitor devices. Consider:
* Using password-protected cloud storage that your partner doesn't have access to
* Keeping a journal at work rather than at home
* Using a secondary email account accessible only on secure devices
Documentation should include dates, times, descriptions of controlling behaviors, and how they made you feel or impacted your life.
2. Gather Technology-Based Evidence Carefully
Messages, emails, and social media communications can provide powerful evidence of controlling behavior. Save screenshots to secure storage, and consider using technology safety tools to ensure your documentation efforts aren't discovered.
If you suspect monitoring or surveillance, consider having your devices professionally checked. The discovery of spyware or tracking devices can serve as powerful evidence of controlling behavior.
3. Seek Professional Documentation
Mental health professionals, doctors, and even workplace counselors can provide crucial third-party documentation of the effects of abuse. Be honest about what you're experiencing—these records can validate your experience and provide evidence of the psychological impact of the abuse.
4. Build a Support Network of Witnesses
Identify trusted friends, family members, or colleagues who may have witnessed controlling behavior or its aftermath. Their testimony can counter the common tactic of portraying male victims as unstable or unreliable narrators of their own experience.
5. Financial Records
Document financial abuse meticulously. Keep records of:
* Accounts you've been forced to open
* Money you've been coerced to provide
* Access to accounts you've been denied
* Employment opportunities you've been forced to decline
6. Approach Authorities with Preparation
Unfortunately, male victims often need to be more prepared when reporting abuse to authorities. Consider:
* Bringing a support person to police interviews
* Having key evidence organized and accessible
* Consulting with a domestic abuse organization experienced with male victims before making reports
* Being specific about safety concerns rather than using general terms
Breaking the Silence
At the Falsely Accused Network, we've seen too many men suffer in silence, unable to name what they're experiencing or find appropriate support. Coercive control thrives in darkness and isolation, regardless of the gender of the victim or perpetrator.
If you're a man experiencing controlling behavior in your relationship, know that you're not alone, and your experience is valid. The first step toward freedom is recognizing the pattern of abuse for what it is. The next step is building the evidence base that will help others recognize it too.
For those working in law enforcement, legal services, or victim support: I urge you to examine potential biases in how you respond to male victims of domestic abuse. The courage it takes for anyone to report coercive control is immense—for male victims, who must overcome additional barriers of shame and disbelief, it can be nearly insurmountable.
The path to justice should not be determined by gender, but by evidence and the impact of abuse on human lives. Only by acknowledging the full spectrum of victims can we hope to address the devastating impact of coercive control on individuals, families, and society.
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Michael Thompson is the founder of the Falsely Accused Network, an organization dedicated to supporting individuals who have been wrongfully accused of domestic abuse while also providing resources for male victims of domestic abuse and coercive control.
Visit www.falselyaccusednetwork.co.uk or email support@falselyaccusednetwork.co.uk to arrange a free and confidential call.
If you are experiencing domestic abuse or coercive control, regardless of your gender, please reach out to national domestic abuse helplines or local support services.
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